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Y después de la maternidad.

Y después de la maternidad.

Nada es igual después de tener a tu bebé.

Realmente no soy la misma persona que era antes de tener a mi hija. Todo ha cambiado porque mi mente ha empezado a hilar las cosas de una manera muy distinta. Lo que no tengo muy claro aún es cuándo ha sucedido este cambio. Creo que ha sido paulatinamente, día a día, despacio y rápido a la vez. Creo que a lo mejor ha empezado en el momento en el que se instaló en mí la idea de ser madre. Pero no cuando lo pensaba para mi futuro idílico sino cuando la Lucía de antes empezó a decidir que era el momento.

Puede que entonces se sembrara la semilla del cambio y entonces se vino acercando el tornado que le dió vuelta a las cosas, a las personas, a los pensamientos, a los tiempos, a mi vida.

Y ahora, 23 meses después de escuchar su llanto por primera vez, sigo dentro del tornado que cada día me gusta más y me marea menos. Y leo y escucho cosas sobre la maternidad que me parecen tan absurdas como comer boca abajo. Por eso te digo a tí si eres madre o si lo serás en breve: No escuches toda esa mierda. Detrás de todo ese ruído está tu verdadero Nuevo Yo agitándose para llamar tu atención y decirte:

“Hey, confía en tus brazos que acunarán a tu bebé, en tus pechos que sabrán fabricar leche, en tus oídos que escucharán su respiración al otro lado de la casa, en tu estómago que podrá sobrevivir a muchas noches sin cena, en tus ojos que irán viendo su alma”
Cloe y yo cuando era poco más alta que mis rodillas.

Y mientras mi nuevo yo sigue creciendo al lado de una niña de barriga redonda que me pone a prueba y me grita mis peores miedos y mis mejores sueños dorados. 

Tienes entonces que intentar reconocerte en tu nuevo papel. Serás durante un tiempo una desconocida silenciosa que prueba y se equivoca y añora sus anteriores rutinas y espacios mientras acuna a su bebé calentito pegado a su barriga.

Y no. No volverás a ser la misma persona que eras antes de ser madre y cuanto antes te des cuenta más fácil se lo pondrás a tu nueva vida. Después todo irá volviendo a su sitio. Pero será un sitio tan distinto que puede que te lleve un tiempo encontrarlo. Y cuando llegues, tal vez las cosas estén perfectamente colocadas y te quieras quedar ahí para siempre. Y tendrás que ir dejando atrás lastre de tu yo anterior,  ya sabes, “dejen salir antes de entrar”. Y el nuevo ser humano en el que te has convertido sabrá hacer feliz al nuevo ser humano que ha amanecido en tu vida. Al nuevo ser humano que pega su cara a la mampara del baño mientras te duchas.

Y no quiero despedirme sin recomendarte una de las entrevistas más alentadoras, sinceras y sin ningún tipo de perjuicio sobre la maternidad. Se trata del pediatra Carlos González que si no lo conoces, lee. 

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Esta entrada tiene 4.392 comentarios

  1. Sonia

    8 Ago 2019 Responder

    Muy entrañable tu reflexión del paso de mujer a madre y también muy instintiva y telúrica, propia de quien se sigue pensando a si misma como mujer incluso tras haber sido madre.
    Mucha suerte con el blog y con el precioso viaje que ya habéis comenzado con Cloe

  2. Lucía

    9 Ago 2019 Responder

    Muchas gracias Sonia. Un abrazo fuerte.

  3. Rubén

    9 Ago 2019 Responder

    Muy bonita la página y un artículo muy interesante

  4. Lucía

    9 Ago 2019 Responder

    Gracias Rubén. Un abrazo a todos los papás geniales.

  5. Sonia Pena

    9 Ago 2019 Responder

    Toda a sorte nesta aventura que comezas coa mellor compañeira que se pode desexar: Cloe!!
    Que nena tan linda tedes!
    Molounos mto o blog, parabéns para ti e Rubén!!
    Bicosss!

    1. Lucía

      11 Ago 2019 Responder

      Moitas gracias Sonia. Unha aperta forte para a túa familia linda de catro.

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